These people are a lot smarter than we are. A huge mushroom cloud of durum semolina. ~ Red Green (Steve Smith) -- This is so Canadian, it hurts! Here are the only two rules. Red Green Cassette - Yes that's right, Red Green made a cassette tape.This is an incredibly rare and hard to find item which was only produced on a short run. That REALLY HELPED me get the job - thanks. Red Green: They need a better fence, Mike. Harold Green (Patrick McKenna): [hears the possum squeal] Meeting time, Santa. If I could work miracles, would you still be here? Harold Green: [in a slightly eager, self-righteous tone] Well, I do - - I LOVE things that are good for me. It plays right into the hands of Trump people. Red Green: Gas station? Red Green: Oh, well I have some McDonalds coupons. Red Green: Compared to you, your wife is more... Red Green: No, she notices things more, because she's... Red Green: You would never say to your wife that she's picky, overweight or weepy because... Red Green: The vertical hold on your television set. Red Green: Harold, Possum Lodge is not exactly a place of worship. Dougie Franklin: [in a tone of slightly sad disgust and resigned acceptance] Don't adjust your set - the show is SUPPOSED to look like this! Mike Hamar: My parents had their eighth anniversary when my youngest brother was 23. Red Green: [Red tries to get Mike to guess the word 'Friend.'] All right, Mike... buddy. Dalton Humphrey: [smugly] Caught me DOING it! Now, you tell me, what is the worst thing that could happen out of that scenario? Red Green: Remember, I'm pulling for ya. Red Green: I haven't had this much fun since my dad wore his rude t-shirt to parent-teacher night! They need a better system. Red Green: Someone who talks about stuff... Mike Hamar: Informer? Red Green: Maybe it's time to replace the words "Watch this," with phrases that are more suited to your current physical condition. Red Green: I find fruit preserves are kinda like neckties. Harold Green: Wow, this is great! They were rough, but good. Bonnie: [giggling nasally and hyperly tossing her head about in an adorable but annoying fashion] Harold said you had something to tell me. Harold Green: Eighteen? - Stuart Smalley Red Green: Big, big week up at the lodge this week. I can replace the van for 75. Jim Croce. User account menu "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." People are like nuts and bolts: they don't work well loose; there's too much play. Blog: Sometimes I think of things that would never occur to Red Green. Red Green If the women don’t find you handsome they should at least find you handy, youth tee and V-neck T-shirt. Red Green: I just finished forming the whole volunteer fire department, and suddenly, one of the vehicles caught fire. "If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." How do you get 18 from five vehicles? – Steve Smith (Red Green) Apr 13, 2014 - "If women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." Harold Green: You should get on with the next segment, I think; it's more interesting than this. Red Green — ‘If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.’ Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy: [innocently and casually] Well, of COURSE she does, Red - - she's a GREAT ACTRESS! As you're slipping into your second childhood, you don't need somebody around you just starting their first. 22359. Red Green: Or that silly lodge you joined. Red Green: (repeated line) ...the handyman's secret weapon, duct tape. Harold Green: [slightly anxiously] No... but it does SOUND an ALARM! Harold Green: Ha! Red Green: You ever see one of these? [Pumps his arms in victory] Oh, oh, oh! Dale: No, mostly I just use it to say hi. Still he's the one that we all chose, 'cause you know for sure you'll never get hosed With Rothschild, Winston Rothschild. Do you have any regrets, Mr. Green? I got some spare time. Well, that means I'd end up drivin' a Yugo. Perfect added flavor. Red Green: Well, okay, then, we could do the Moses thing. The others go from twenty on up! You should try it; it'll be cool. You want my advice? And that would create this symbiotic hydrolysis, right? Edgar Montrose: I saw that one. When your lawn's all muck, and you know you're stuck, You need a guy who's a world-class suck. Harold Green: Excuse me, Mr. Shaughnessy, but I don't understand how Einstein is younger than you. Harold Green: Uncle Red will be right back with his extra terrestrials. Connection, perhaps? Don't you get it? Edgar K. B. Montrose: [demonstrating how to use a fire-hose to forcibly blast debris straight up and out of an eaves-trough] Ya know, I think it was Sir Isaac Newton-John who once said, "Whatever comes down must go up - - IF ya got enough water-pressure!". Harold Green: [Red wants him to give a sermon in front of some soon-to-arrive Canadian auditors to falsely convince them that Possum Lodge is a legitimate religious organization] We're never gonna be able to fake this to those government people! Harold Green: But I thought Einstein worked on relativity when he was really young. I didn't... Red Green: [after hearing an answering machine message that Hap claims came from Gwyneth Paltrow during a supposed romance with her, but which is obviously just Hap's own voice very poorly disguised in a higher-pitched nasally tone to imitate a love-struck lady's voice] She sounds like somebody else, Hap. Mold is not a bad thing. Harold Green: [giggling] You got on the wrong elevator! Harold Green: I didn't know you went past high school, Uncle Red. Harold Green: [Red got five traffic tickets during his car pool test] So explain to me: you got nailed for crossing a median in both shoulders. I came, I saw, I ralphed. Yeah! Uncle Red, that is the power of hype. Preview . No one ever gets lost out here. [Okay, thanks so much, and you have yourself a GOOD DAY]. You know, it's probably my neighbor, you know, because he's trying to get me. Dalton Humphrey: [playing the Possum Lodge Word Game; the word is PARANOID] My neighbor has this weird idea that I occasionally come sneaking over to his house at night and rearrange his furniture! Red Green: [grandly] Red Green has LEFT THE BUILDING. Phrases like "Where are my glasses?" Shocking. He has real nice clothes, but he's hard on the nose. I said *human* consumption. Red Green: If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy. I thought he meant shoot each other and have car chases. Red Green: [Enters the room, gagging] Blecch! Rather like my brother-in-law. Red Green: Stage 1: You're a kid. Is it me? That went better than I hoped! [Harold is trying to spread Christmas cheer by selling Christmas treats and singing Christmas songs while dressed as an angel, but his efforts are so poor that he gets a pumpkin pie thrown in his face]. Red Green: How did you learn so much about money? It even has your name over it. We're too far from the ocean, okay? Your horn was sticking. A broken promise is not a broken…, The cardinal work of charity is not by the number that counts, but by…. Never to sing when there's pies around? Of course, you knew that all along, didn't you? Red Green: Oh, yeah, and maybe I should've been born a millionaire. That's called free trade. Harold Green: You actually did it, Uncle Red? See, if you just play two quarter notes, like this... [reaches through the driver's window and presses the horn button briefly twice]. Harold Green: [smugly] Yeah, I know - I get paid! Bob Bainborough as Dalton Humphrey: [sauntering in dressed in a warrior's costume] Hail, Caesar! When your tank goes bad and starts to ooze, you need a man with rubber shoes. Red Green: [to camera] Well, he would know. The Red Green show If the woman don’t find you handsome they should if least find you handy vintage shirt. in pump! But it is old and there was a movie from the '50s playing there at the time: "The Ten Commandments". Buzz Sherwood: If you're a pilot, you can use the roads and highways to steer your plane. And then there'd be a thermal inversion, right? I don't have a bad temper. Or it could be clothing size: small, medium, lodge. Now what they needed there was for one of those buffalo to get backed up with methane, catch his hoof on a piece of flint, go off like a big furry grenade! That guy isn't handsome or handy Red Green. Rated 5.00 out of 5 based on 1 customer rating. I'll tell ya, by the time you hit the 1 A.M. feeding your wife will be having second thoughts. Well, I have no idea what we did wrong, but our first batch of homemade beer did not taste all that great. And he said, fine, send him over, and if he's too chicken to show up, I'll come over and beat him up publicly on his own television show... Red Green: [disgusted that Harold had "volunteered" his uncle's "pummelling services"] Okay, fine - - let's go over there. Heres and interesting quote from Steve Smith (Red Green) at the 2003 IPTV pledge-a-thon during the US premiere of "Duct Tape Forever" on Iowa Public Television: "You know, once in while somebody will come up to me and say, 'Ya know, your TV show … Red Green: Well, we wipe them on our shirts. Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. You don't have to have talent, good looks, brains, nothing, if you got enough hype. Who cares? Harold Green: That poor old fire station... fire station the Historical Society worked so hard to preserve! Red Green: You got two slippers. And then we get all the whiners who want to know how the hot dogs and macaroni qualify as fish fry. Harold Green: [a bit proudly and grandly] Yes... it means, "When all else fails, hide under a rock". Red Green: Well, Harold, if we're gonna have to start comparing things with flaws in them, I don't think you're going to have a very nice day. Red Green: [in an unconcerned and mildly sarcastic tone] Well, your TRUCK does BOTH OF THOSE, Winston. Red Green: Vehicles don't belong in the Middle Ages anyway. Besides - - this unit is far too CRUEL to be used on any ANIMAL, anyway! -Harold (looking at glass of whine) and Red Green. All Lodge members: (Possum Lodge oath) Quando omni flunkus, morit… Thank you. Availability:: Available for download now Product Code: HANDY. Dale: All finished, Mr. Green. Red Green Quotes Quotable Quote If the women dont find you handsome they should at least find you handy Red Green Read more quotes from Red Green. All you have to park is your butt. Red Green: [sadly conceding that his generation has lost the battle against the encroaching computer technology] The enemy is at the gates - - heck, the enemy may even be NAMED "Gates"! And we're not really excited about sharing that information. And it would've been six, but luckily, Moose was licensed for an 18-wheeler? Red Green: Oh, it's a citation from the Wildlife Department. [Red enters the lodge, feeling depressed]. Some of them only GO to the nineteenth floor! Red Green: And then you know that singer that Aunt Bernice likes so much - that Julio Icicles guy? Number one, you got to promise to go right off the top, and number two, you got to do your best to try and hit the water. Harold Green: I think you mean Moby Dick. Mike Hamar (Robson, Wayne): That's what everyone else wants to know! Red Green: Well, I could, but that's kind of between Bernice and I. I'm pretty sure they don't have that category. [the "Men Anonymous" pledge, or the Man's Prayer]. Harold Green: Gotcha! What about the SMELL? or "Where are my other glasses?" Red Green: You know, guys don't like to ask anybody for help. "The Red Green Show Quotes." Red Green: We had a He man contest up here at the lodge with first prize being a truss. Sound impossible? I WANT a baby. Edgar Montrose: Oh, it's not missing, Red. Red Green: And men, remember, if the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy. Harold Green: Well, I for one am very proud of you, Uncle Red. The best things come at the end. We get a fair bit of wind, but that's because we're so close to Port Asbestos, and it SUCKS! You've got a bad temper. Red Green not only rocks, but is full of great quotes and information. ~ Red Green (Steve Smith) -- This is so Canadian, it hurts! Harold Green: Proves it's for men like you only. Red Green: [talking about the lodge members' plan to slaughter the cow] Stinky's bringing the cow over in the back seat of his '69 Cadillac. "The Red Green Show Quotes." We're all in this together. 14. Harold Green (Patrick McKenna): [delighted to be engaged to Bonnie] See you later, Mrs. Pookie. "Who's there?" Garth Harble: You know, contrary to popular folklore, bats will not suck the blood out of your body. When I get home, I want to show you that I'm user-friendly. And when you get up there, clean it up as fast as you can. Ever.". Archived "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." Mike Hamar: [as he, Red and Dalton fish together] I was thinking about regrets the other day. Each episode features new and ingenious uses for the handy man's secret weapon, Duct Tape. Our most popular t-shirt ever but now in slimming black with Uncle Red's picture on the front and the three colour bold handyman message on the back. Harold Green: [still wearing the sanitary mask and latex gloves from having helped deliver a baby] Meeting time, Uncle Red. But kids today DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING! Harold Green: Well, you need help, Uncle Red. Dougie Franklin: You're watching "The Red Green Show" and nobody can stop you. I just raised this show from the dead. Red Green: Now, I know a lot of you teenagers don't like to hear advice, but communication is an important part of life. Call Rothschild, Winston Rothschild. Eating meat is like having kids: the less you know about it, the more likely you are to go ahead. Red Green: Yes, I did. Just remember, stay in the passing lane, or the motorists really yell at you. Red Green: [singing] My butterfly collection gives me so much pride / My butterfly collection makes me warm inside / The monarchs, blues and yellows; these are beauties, man oh man / Come see my butterfly collection - they're all wedged in the grille of my van. Yeah, Buster Hadfield was the first one to sign up. A kind of bar you don't like. The prison population is not a brain trust. [Red has learned that Old Man Sedgwick's son has moved back in with him]. Being handy, I will usually at least try my own hand at a task before turning to someone else. [Red starts to drive off, then leans on the horn in earnest, blasting a REALLY loud and long honk, as Dale winces at the awful racket]. Red Green: [Seeing Harold in a neckbrace] Did you hurt your neck, Harold, or have you been going to Don Cherry's tailor? Actually, you can tell. Red Green: [a bit exasperated that none of his fellow lodge members got chosen as promoter for Possum Lake] Well, it looks like somebody was PAID OFF here. "No one." Middle-aged men know the best route on any highway from one place to another place. Ranger Gord (Peter Keleghan): [letting his inflated ego blatantly show itself on his animated movie credits] Ranger Gord presents - Ranger Gord in: Ranger Gord's Educational Films. Bringing friends together for the sole purpose of letting loose is not a good idea. And by the 4 A.M. diaper change, she'll be praying for hot flashes! You know what? Red Green: [singing] Oh, I have one whisker on the end of my nose/And the more I shave it, the more it grows/I waxed it and stretched it until it was 40 inches long/And then it was hit by lightning and I was forced to rethink the whole project. Things just aren't that important. [pauses to think about this] Probably by now they're seeing ALL of each other! Or maybe she realizes that once the kids move out, she'll only have you. Harold Green: Uncle Red, you do not own the highway. It's called payback work. So talk about good timing. He's got twice as much legroom there, which is good, 'cause the cow's got twice as much leg. I got the application form right here. Red Green not only rocks, but is full of great quotes and information. Red Green: All right, and he thinks that way because he's... Red Green: I know you teenagers watch a whole lot of television and you get kind of a mixed-up view of what the world is really like. Red Green: [angrily] I don't need to manage my anger, I need people to STOP TICKING ME OFF! You want to go where the lights are low and people are all the same; you want to go where nobody knows your name. Red Green: You understand relativity, Hap? Red Green: Two things you need at a bar is ice and water; water for mixing drinks and ice to drop into people's shorts and into their hats, depending on where their hangover is. Honest! Reg Hunter: Well, it's an animal that makes a sound like this: Awooooo! Red Green: [cockily] No, Harold - - does the term "petting zoo" ring any bells? First of all, there's no such thing as a criminal mastermind, okay? Dalton Humphrey: [hearing the squeal of the possum, just moments after having accidentally blown up Red's computer by screwing a plum into the fusebox] Meeting time. Harold Green: [realizing how ridiculous and out-of-character they both look in tight-fitting black leather, and longing for his comfy cloth-fabric clothes again] Let's go change! 'Course, no one catches any. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Red Green: [confidently] Oh, come on, Harold - - they're from the Tax Department! SO PIG OUT! Winston Rothschild: Hello, this is Winston Rothschild reminding you: "Your sewage is our bread and butter. [Red gives Mike a sudden reproachful squint, causing Mike to realize that he has virtually admitted to having tried to illegally bribe the town officials to choose him] I-I wouldn't THINK - -! Red Green If the women dont find you handsome they should at least find you handy. Stoolie? Red Green: [holding up a dark blue debit card and seemingly lecturing teenage viewers to "not spend more than you earn"] So don't ever think that an ATM card like this is like a bottomless pit of cash that just lets you spend whatever you want... for that, you need this... [holds up a gold card] A credit card! Harold Green: I heard you got four traffic tickets! Is that why Anne-Marie never holds your hand? 4 quotes from Red Green: 'If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy. Sound incredible? [Suggested motto for the Possum Lodge Olympics]. Now I KNOW you're just kidding, because there's no boats around this lodge that can float THAT far. . Red Green: Having a parade without a permit, and passing on a hill. ', 'Remember, I'm pullin' for ya. Red Green: [reciting the Man's Prayer along with the other lodge members] I'm a man, but I can change, if I have to, I guess. At one point, Moose Thompson asked the cow to marry him. You never listen, so I guess the answer is yes on that one. Harold Green: Well, Uncle Red, did you boil and sterilize all the beer vats and beer bottles? Many people have died at the end of a rope. If you were married, you'd know that. Check out our red green quotes selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our shops. Hmm. Red Green: So if my wife is watching, I'll be coming straight home after the meeting, and I learned today that the best way to control anger is to be the boss. On behalf of myself and Harold and the whole gang up here at Possum Lodge... keep your stick on the ice. They're something ya get for Christmas from people who either don't like you or are too cheap to buy ya a real gift. Red Green: Hey wait a minute! So whatever it is you know - and I know it's a lot - keep it under your hat and you'll be able to keep your friends. Gordon Pinsent as Hap Shaughnessy: Yeah, they're PROFESSIONAL LIARS, Red! Red Green: [singing] Oh, I have an old car; the seats are all stained / It was old when I bought it, and that hasn't changed / I had my first date in it, my first kiss, my first pass / My first romantic encounter when I ran out of gas / My first parking infraction, my first toxic leak / And still not my first car payment, but I'm hoping to have the money together by early next week. Harold Green: Coincidence? Along came the snowplow. You know, the native guy was okay, he should have got the Oscar. Red Green: Eating meat is like having kids - the less you know about it, the more likely you are to go ahead. Believe me, I know. It's not what you pay, it's what you buy. Winston Rothschild: [looking at the book] Oh, no, snoring is in here. "No one who?" Red Green: [singing] When life gets you down and you can't wait to die / when the slightest contusion puts tears in your eyes / Here's what I do when everything goes wrong / I go on my own TV show and sing a song / Oh well! That's your boss' job. Harold Green: Well, you sounded serious at the time! Man, that was a job and a half, I'll tell ya. You never know, you might surprise yourself. The show is hosted by the President of the lodge, philosopher, handyman, outdoorsman, and basically very average man Red Green (Smith), with technical direction provided by … I regret not having any children. Red Green: [a bit sarcastically, indicating that he isn't buying it] Oh, I definitely wanna be cool, Dale. Hap Shaughnessy: WAS, Harold, WAS. Finding these in any condition is a real steal as they are one of the hardest to come by and least known about RGS collectibles. [He plays the electronic instrument he has strapped on him; the audience laughs] See? - Red Green "If the women don't fine you handsome, they should atleast find you handy." AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Quotes.net. Red Green: Yeah, you go ahead, Doctor Strange-Glove - - I'll be down in a minute. Red Green: Harold, the only thing perfectly sterile up here is Old Man Sedgwick. Red Green: I don't know, Gord. That's way too much to ask. It's all done. You casually forget your aunt's birthday.
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